It’s a sad fact in this world, that people can be so cruel. Recently, North Dakota made the national news…not because of the vast amounts of agricultural products that are grown here, not because of the excellent schools, or the economy, but rather because of pettiness.
Now, I don’t know the entire story, and goodness knows that there are two sides to every story, however, for a family that was given every reason to pick up their life and move to North Dakota, to state that they are now leaving, not because of the cold weather, but because of the “small town drama” there has got to be something to it.
I know about small town drama all too well. A long time ago, I was part of it. I chose to be one of those selfish, arrogant, self-absorbed, self-important rude pompous hypocrites that are part of the drama. I more or less floated along the edges and watched it, and yes, I admit, I participated in the gossip mongering, and looked down my nose at others. It was even a weekly ritual….getting together to drink coffee at the local cafe and whisper and giggle about what we had heard or thought we knew since the last time we had gotten together.
And, I was eventually hurt by one of those so called friends. Hurt because I disagreed with the way someone else treated her…and I was vocal about it. Lesson learned. Apparently, she likes it that way and even though I had asked her before not to subject me to those individuals whom I did not want to be around, she did through trying to get me to do things for them, she continued to so knowing how I felt. So I took step back and looked around, reevaluating things. Things like behaviors, relationships, goals, losses, needs, priorities, and so on. I actually owe that individual a thank you because her own willingness to be treated so caused me to wake up to the reality of living like that.
I woke up and looked at that behavior as it really is. Malicious, nasty, cruel, arrogant. I looked closer and saw that usually, the ones gossiping the most were actually using it to redirect attention off of their own secret actions. Nothing like keeping the attention off of themselves by spreading filth about others. And was amazing to see that these people were willing to sacrifice anyone conveniently nearby to get at one person in particular if they had a grudge.
In any place, anyone and anything could be used as a weapon. Gossip mongers are willing to throw anyone into the line of fire, just so long as they have something to talk about, to make themselves feel better about their own lives. It can be someone’s child, it can be someone’s husband, wife, parents. Nothing is sacred to people like that.
And I couldn’t continue on like that, wrapped up in that web of evil. So, I back away from it. I did not tell everyone to go away, I didn’t tell them to F— Off, I just drifted back and re-focused my attentions elsewhere. And found plenty to fill in the time that had previously been spent as part of that chain. I stayed at home and drank coffee instead of driving into town. I did not head to the bar to sit back and watch to see what others were doing. I focused on my own life and started working on making changes there as well. I was not rude or mean to anyone. I did not snub anyone. I just became…busy. I still smiled and wave if I saw them at the post office or driving by, but I just did not participate.
And something I have learned since readjusting my thoughts on that lifestyle, is that if you are not part of the malicious gossip chain, you become the victim of it. And it’s crazy how far it spreads. A few weeks back, someone actually contacted a friend of mine out on the East Coast, pretending to be a Private Investigator who was “concerned” about me….I was in church with my children at the time this was happening…and my friend on the Coast was texting me what they were saying as they were contacting her.
Eventually, it came out that this “individual” was not a PI, but rather “someone who was concerned” about me, stating some pretty darned stupid and ignorant things. Keep in mind, I was sitting in a church, surrounded by children having their classes when this was occurring. Now, this “person” knew some pretty private things about me, my family, and my children. Things that I had told to only a select few because of our so called friendship. So, you know, that pretty much narrowed it down. I knew right away who it was, of course I did. I’m not stupid, and neither is my friend on the Coast. She was concerned that someone from out here whom she had never met or communicated with actually have stalked me to the point where they contacted her, a woman who has never been to ND, nor has ever met anyone out here other than me would do something like this. It puts into question whether or not these people are insane or not, and to what lengths would they go to next.
Just before the church class was over, the Private Investigator/”concerned” person, deleted the account they were using to communicate with my friend with. hhhmmm….SO…Does this mean that this “individual” knew what time the Kid’s Kingdom class’s were over and knowing that I am an active parent involved in it and making sure my own children are not driving the instructors insane, knew that chances were that my friend on the Coast would be able to contact me because I’d turn my phone back on? Could it be that they didn’t know that I leave my phone on because of the chances my Sister-In-Law might go into labor with the twins? Could it be that this “concerned” individual did not know that I was getting the stuff they were sending as they sent it? Could it be that this “concerned” individual was so self-absorbed and dense that they did not realize that I can add 1+1 and get the answer?
Of course, on the way home a few minutes after that, I did see the “concerned” individuals vehicles parked together outside one of their houses at a time of the day when normally they are at work or on their way home from work. Just too many coincidences for my conclusions not to be right.
But I’m better than that. I just chalked up to small town drama, rolled my eyes, and moved on with my life. Whatever. If these “concerned” individuals are so petty and insecure in their own lives, then whatever.
But…Today, someone actually called a member of my family, and said some pretty accusing things, throwing me “under the bus” so to speak and in doing so, threw someone else “under the bus”. Things were said that have the possibility of ruining lives, disrupting children’s homes. Some pretty nasty things were said, and I made a phone call, and the other individual who was thrown under the bus made a phone call back to that member in my family and set things straight.
And now, my family member knows first hand that I have been honest about the “drama” I have been subjected to by the gossip mongers. For a long time, it was thought that it was my “imagination”, that the things I had to say couldn’t possibly be happening. But they were, and this morning, these individuals handed me the ability to PROVE that they have been doing and saying things. And it’s making my family member reevaluate everything that the rumor mill has been saying.
And I must say, that these individuals know nothing about what has occurred in my home in the last year and a half. They don’t know the details, the internal issues, the stress, the rewards, the victories or the losses. They don’t know anything about me or my family at all. So I guess spreading rumors makes them feel that they are a part of my family…I guess. They don’t know my thoughts, or those of my husband’s or my children. They don’t know if we’re even still married, if we’re separated or living high on the hog after winning the lottery. (Sorry, no lottery, but I keep buying the tickets!). They don’t know if my husband did not talk to me for 70 days straight, or if we have sex every night. THE POINT IS….THEY DON’T KNOW!
And then, there were the rumors that actually reached my family members who live quite a ways away, in which my mother called me, expressing concern. Something about my son, jail, and a hit man. Interesting. I do have to say, these people are creative in their mental wanderings.
And I have to say a great big THANK YOU to those “concerned” individuals who feel that they have the right to mess with other people’s lives. Because you finally just proved my point about the local gossip.
And there are things I could say about those individuals…things I’ve actually seen and been told by them. But you know, I don’t. Because I wouldn’t want to cause issues for their children. I have more respect for family life than that. Unlike others. I do have to admit, my husband and I have had some issues over the last few years. We’re both strong willed and stubborn and that makes for some interesting debates, however, no one deserves anyone else sticking their noses in and stirring the pot for what ultimately comes down to their own sick entertainment. They may justify it to each other and themselves as something else, but ultimately, it’s simply to create chaos to keep attention from themselves.
People who mess with other people’s lives and families are the lowest form of human trash on the face of the Earth. The sad thing is that they are simply trying to divert attention from their own actions so no one sees what they are doing. Tisk tisk…shame shame…Don’t throw rocks when you live in a glass house.
In the last two years here, I have been lied to, lied about, gossiped about, snubbed, trashed, stolen from, bashed, abandoned, sworn at, taken advantage of both personally and business wise, and b_tched about, all in a small town where a few individuals feel they are above reproach. I am far from perfect, make mistakes, and occasionally, just royally screw up, however, no one deserves to be victimized like this.
So, ultimately, I feel horrible for that family that is now moving back to Florida, because of a few jackass’s who can’t keep their mouths or their judgments to themselves. I hope that the rest of the world doesn’t judge all of North Dakota because of a few bad apples. I love living here, I love being from here, I love raising my kids here….I just don’t necessarily like a few of the people here. Human nature is human nature everywhere on this planet. So somewhere, right now, someone is probably talking about you behind your back.
Michelle
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